I am supposed to be prepared for whatever comes my way in a day, but truthfully, I let too many things surprise me and fail my "sanctification tests." I was greatly encouraged weeks ago by my fellow "mom of 5" in CA who blogged about the tests God sends our way. Will I rely each time on God's sovereign care over my life or will I respond in the flesh? If I allow myself to be unprepared and surprised, I am sure to fail and revert to the "old man."
Parenting my oldest child has always required me to be "on my game." She is persistent and uniquely talented at being a go-getter, but requiring her to do what she doesn't want to do can get ugly. This doesn't match up well with being her teacher as well as her mother!
So, being a student of my child, I should have been prepared for the test, but I wasn't and I failed. I was done with the grumpy looks while teaching math today and I corrected her to "have a happy heart, and for goodness sake, at least smile at your teacher for a change!" I turned back to the math problem on the board then turned to ask a question to find her head hidden in her arm on the table. That's when my anger unleashed itself! Doesn't she know it is a sacrifice for me to teach her? Didn't I just ask her to be a pleasant student? How dare she disrespect me by not even looking at what I was teaching??? I was so revved up I couldn't even continue talking about whether 6 was greater than, equal to, or less than 8! So I plopped myself down, mentally slammed myself with scripture on how the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God and repented right then and there to her for giving in to anger and sin.
The test appeared and I failed. Yes, I discussed with her further how her first choice to sin towards mom provided a temptation for Mom's anger. However, both she and mom were NOT to obey the flesh but to walk in peace, patience and kindness. She was repentant and sorry, too, but the day was not quite as bright with the weight of sinful choices.
As parents we can never expect to live our lives perfectly in front of our children; and truthfully, why would we want to? Our children need to see the spiritual battle we face and see our victories and how we respond to our losses. How can my children learn about true repentance and discuss God's forgiveness if they never see it demonstrated? It is unfortunate that we have to fail first to teach them this, but also quite necessary. Life is not easy and life is not perfect, but we do serve a God who asks us to "be holy as He is holy." Despite the ugliness of sin and the pain and suffering it entails, I know that showing my kids how to walk through the process of repentance and forgiveness is a lesson easier caught than taught.
1 comment:
What a lesson! Thanks so much for sharing this, Jill. I love that you are not only teaching your children, but learning from them (indirectly) as well. What a sanctifying grace, indeed. This was especially encouraging and I will be thinking about it in my classroom, to be sure.
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